Secluded Despair.

Where do I even start? This last week...never have I been tested more as a mother than I have been the last week. My youngest caught HFMD (Hand, foot, & mouth disease) from daycare. None of my kids have ever had it before so I didn't know what to expect. I quickly learned. She spent four straight days crying in agony from the pain from her sores/ulcers and was unable to eat due to the sores in her mouth and throat. I have tried everything I know of, and the worst part was letting her just cry...because I couldn't comfort her. Today she perked up, her sores are scabbed over and she could eat. By tonight she was acting completely normal. Yesterday, however, my youngest son started showing the same symptoms and sure enough, he has it as well. But his sores are worse. There are more, they are bigger, and are already blistered. He is my ray of sunshine, my always happy go lucky guy. And this...this is complete torture. He also can't eat, and clothes hurt him. Everything I've read said it's a mild rash and kids are normal and act fine. Then what in the hell is happening in my house? I feel like I've failed them, because I work and bring them to daycare. Because I love my job they are suffering for it. And I can't make it better. There is no quick fix, no drug to make it go away. It just...is. It's horrid, and awful, and excruciating to watch. I feel very much alone, and at this point, too sad and exhausted to even cry. I am calling tomorrow to see if I can some liquid Norco...all they can say is no. I'm supposed to work Tuesday and Wednesday...we will see about that. I could care less about my job right now. My babies...those three...I can't function right if they are hurting. And to not fix it...it's the worst feeling. By far. Like a sick kind of torture. This crap needs to be done, and soon. I can't do any more. My heart can't do any more. I am desperate for a reprieve from all this...so very desperate. I need my happy kids back. We need our "normal" back. I just keep telling myself it'll be a few more days...it'll be a few more days. Until then, I continue with our seclusion.

Challenge.

The last few weeks have been SO crazy here, and my workouts have taken a back seat to it all. I had a tummy bug for two weeks at the end of March, along with headaches and dizziness (new birth control side effects). But it went away and things were going to get back on track. Then my oldest got sick and tested positive for Influenza. My younger two both got double ear infections, and all three ended up getting pink eye. During this time our new puppy, Lola came home. Lucky for us she is a super easy and amazing puppy and has actually cheered everyone up. But having three sick little loves is overwhelming and heartbreaking, to say the least. Deegyn is finally starting to feel better after almost 10 days, so I'm hoping he stays fever free. I am now sick and my youngest is as well. Because she is little and has been sick a lot recently, we are on high alert with her lungs to make sure she doesn't get pneumonia. It's April, and so nice outside, which is our saving grace. But we can't go anywhere or do anything. I'm ready for this to all be over with. I miss my workouts and the feeling I got from them. It's been a few weeks is all and I'm already so sad and feeling the mental effects of not working out. I just feel better when I can. I somehow haven't gained any weight, I actually lost more...but I miss exercising. I'm 1.5 pounds away from hitting a 20 pound weight loss since Christmas, which is pretty exciting. It's good progress and I don't want it to all be derailed. Unknown in even just one week from now things will be better. I just have to wait it out. And try to keep my chin up, and tough this out. I'm so exhausted, and over all this crap. And I miss my workout buddy. Here is to spring.

A little Lola to add a smile!!