Adapting....

All the kids are finally healthy and back to normal...which is so amazing. They all got put through the ringer in April. But no sooner did they feel better did I start to develop an umbilical abscess. I had it when I was pregnant with my daughter almost two years ago, and again now. This time it has been more resistant to treatment and has given me a lot of grief. I have had it cut in to twice this go around to try and get it to drain, and the last time we packed it so it would stay open to keep draining. It does feel loads better, but I'll be ready to have it completely gone. I see the general surgeon this upcoming week, and it sounds like he will want to just surgically take the whole thing out and repair/reconstruct my navel area so it doesn't happen again. I can't work out with this, which is horribly frustrating. I like intense cardio, and I can't do any of that. I am thinking of making a list of things I CAN do...like squats, planks, lunges, push ups, etc. It wouldn't be a lot but it's something. I'm nervous to get back in to everything...it will be like starting all over. But I'll get back to where I was before all this. Just have to roll with it. I don't think recovery will be long from the surgery, given that it's superficial. It will all be fine, just need to get it over with. I am so thankful for my incredible parents and friends who were there, and continue to be there for us. My parents didn't hesitate to come and help earlier in the week when I couldn't even bend over, much less chase my little ones around. They were here. And my friend who dropped off goodies to cheer me up. I am so, so, so lucky. My neices sent the sweetest little homemade cards...so even though it's been a rough four weeks, I known I've got the worlds best support system, and without them I'd be done for. I can't wait for summer, and camping, and more family time. And my workouts...I miss the feeling of my body really getting pushed. So again, I just have to take a few deep breaths, and remind myself things are okay. This too shall pass.

Secluded Despair.

Where do I even start? This last week...never have I been tested more as a mother than I have been the last week. My youngest caught HFMD (Hand, foot, & mouth disease) from daycare. None of my kids have ever had it before so I didn't know what to expect. I quickly learned. She spent four straight days crying in agony from the pain from her sores/ulcers and was unable to eat due to the sores in her mouth and throat. I have tried everything I know of, and the worst part was letting her just cry...because I couldn't comfort her. Today she perked up, her sores are scabbed over and she could eat. By tonight she was acting completely normal. Yesterday, however, my youngest son started showing the same symptoms and sure enough, he has it as well. But his sores are worse. There are more, they are bigger, and are already blistered. He is my ray of sunshine, my always happy go lucky guy. And this...this is complete torture. He also can't eat, and clothes hurt him. Everything I've read said it's a mild rash and kids are normal and act fine. Then what in the hell is happening in my house? I feel like I've failed them, because I work and bring them to daycare. Because I love my job they are suffering for it. And I can't make it better. There is no quick fix, no drug to make it go away. It just...is. It's horrid, and awful, and excruciating to watch. I feel very much alone, and at this point, too sad and exhausted to even cry. I am calling tomorrow to see if I can some liquid Norco...all they can say is no. I'm supposed to work Tuesday and Wednesday...we will see about that. I could care less about my job right now. My babies...those three...I can't function right if they are hurting. And to not fix it...it's the worst feeling. By far. Like a sick kind of torture. This crap needs to be done, and soon. I can't do any more. My heart can't do any more. I am desperate for a reprieve from all this...so very desperate. I need my happy kids back. We need our "normal" back. I just keep telling myself it'll be a few more days...it'll be a few more days. Until then, I continue with our seclusion.

Challenge.

The last few weeks have been SO crazy here, and my workouts have taken a back seat to it all. I had a tummy bug for two weeks at the end of March, along with headaches and dizziness (new birth control side effects). But it went away and things were going to get back on track. Then my oldest got sick and tested positive for Influenza. My younger two both got double ear infections, and all three ended up getting pink eye. During this time our new puppy, Lola came home. Lucky for us she is a super easy and amazing puppy and has actually cheered everyone up. But having three sick little loves is overwhelming and heartbreaking, to say the least. Deegyn is finally starting to feel better after almost 10 days, so I'm hoping he stays fever free. I am now sick and my youngest is as well. Because she is little and has been sick a lot recently, we are on high alert with her lungs to make sure she doesn't get pneumonia. It's April, and so nice outside, which is our saving grace. But we can't go anywhere or do anything. I'm ready for this to all be over with. I miss my workouts and the feeling I got from them. It's been a few weeks is all and I'm already so sad and feeling the mental effects of not working out. I just feel better when I can. I somehow haven't gained any weight, I actually lost more...but I miss exercising. I'm 1.5 pounds away from hitting a 20 pound weight loss since Christmas, which is pretty exciting. It's good progress and I don't want it to all be derailed. Unknown in even just one week from now things will be better. I just have to wait it out. And try to keep my chin up, and tough this out. I'm so exhausted, and over all this crap. And I miss my workout buddy. Here is to spring.

A little Lola to add a smile!!

Progress!!!!

I was shocked when I saw these. I didn't think I'd made much progress. I'm so glad I have before pictures. They are hideous, but I'm proud of the progress. Talk about motivation. Top three are in December, bottom three now!

Comfort Zone

Today was my second attempt at swimming (which is totally out of my comfort zone). I think over time it will get better and better. I have so much to learn, but it's a great alternative when high impact is just too much. We had a crazy hard workout yesterday (2 mile run, insane lift working shoulders, and abs). So today was a perfect day to take it a little easy. I have been doing so many things that I never have before. I feel amazing. Today we were talking about doing a triathlon, possibly in the fall. I have never done one, mostly because of the swimming. I'm hoping by then I can improve enough to at least attempt a tri. Then the half marathon in November!!! I am loving running, especially since I don't have to always go a certain distance. And my time per mile is getting better and better. The huge variety of workouts is no doubt strengthening by body everywhere, something that is vital for becoming a strong runner. But running is still my favorite. I love the feeling during, and the feeling after is even better. My brother also gave me some really great music, so that has really helped. This year has already been so amazing. I am so thankful I have Nessa to work out with...I wouldn't be doing any of this is if weren't for her. We are tired, every day, but we still get it done. And we don't go easy. I'm moving the results...my mind is so clear and I feel so much better. Such a great feeling. On that note, I'm headed to bed. I've been sleeping so much better since working out. Mallory is finally feeling better, and even though she is getting her top molars in, she's still so much better. Can't wait for this summer!!!!

Life is good

This is before my run yesterday. It was windy and uphill the last half, but I got out and did it anyways. I'm so thankful for the nice weather, running on a treadmill is awful, and I do so much better outside. I was able to shorten my pace from 11:30/mile to 10:50/mile. I know that sounds slow, or insignificant, but to me it's really exciting. Especially since I was battling hills and wind. I want to get my pace for the half marathon up to 10-10:30/mile. It's exciting to see improvements like these. I'm not so much after distance right now as I am strengthening everything overall. I'm really stoked for today's workout, my workout buddy is back!! And I had a horrible cheat night last night so it's time to work it off today! I have missed the weights so it will feel good to lift today. We went to a birthday party yesterday and I had about five different people tell me they could tell if lost weight and how great I looked. I really needed that. The night before I had seen a horrible picture of myself and was feeling pretty bummed. I have a long ways to go but I'm a lot closer than I was. I've lost about 14 lbs since Christmas. I put on a few pounds over the holidays so it's been great to see the scale move a little. I wish I didn't care about it, but alas, I do. I just can't wait to see more results. I feel so amazing, and have so much more energy. Life is good, for sure.

Sleepy.

Oh today. Today was a hard one. Mallory is in recovery mode, which normally isn't too bad but since she had an unexpected lip tie cut and repair, I think it's hard to drink and eat. And she is a paci girl, so she's been up and down all day. She is probably going to need antibiotics as well, but I'll give her one more day to see if her fever and green snotty nose clear up. Deegyn had a tooth knocked out today, and can't eat anything. He is holding his jaw in a current underbite position, I think because another tooth is loose. Either way he will get looked at first thing tomorrow to get him squared away. The school never called me, which has left me fuming mad. My poor Deegyn was really upset and in a lot of pain...and had I been called he could have gotten to a dentist sooner. But since he was picked up after 4, almost no dentist offices were even open. I finally did speak to a pediatric dentist, who is seeing him first thing in the morning. I know it's not a big deal, I know it's not emergent...but he's my boy. I should have been called to make the decision myself whether he was okay or not. To comfort him. I will be talking to the teacher and school tomorrow so this doesn't happen again. I work in the medical field, I don't over react to things, but this deserved a call. My poor buddy :(. And to top everything off, my belly has been upset all day. I don't feel good and two out of my three kids are not comfortable, so I'm done for today. I've held myself together. I really could have used a work out today, but since my body is rebelling, no work out today. Brown rice for dinner. I really don't care what my body does, but I really need my babies to be okay. Again, I know it's nothing major, but they are my people and my heart hurts when they hurt. I'm so ready for warmer weather, healthy kids, and thankful for a new day tomorrow. It's only Tuesday and I feel like it's been the longest week. It will all be fine, I know it will. I'm just sad my kids aren't feeling good. Well, Liam is. He's our ray of sunshine. The forever optimist. Thank goodness. My heart can't take any more today. Here is to hoping tomorrow's better, my kiddos feel better, and I feel good enough to work out.