Life is good

This is before my run yesterday. It was windy and uphill the last half, but I got out and did it anyways. I'm so thankful for the nice weather, running on a treadmill is awful, and I do so much better outside. I was able to shorten my pace from 11:30/mile to 10:50/mile. I know that sounds slow, or insignificant, but to me it's really exciting. Especially since I was battling hills and wind. I want to get my pace for the half marathon up to 10-10:30/mile. It's exciting to see improvements like these. I'm not so much after distance right now as I am strengthening everything overall. I'm really stoked for today's workout, my workout buddy is back!! And I had a horrible cheat night last night so it's time to work it off today! I have missed the weights so it will feel good to lift today. We went to a birthday party yesterday and I had about five different people tell me they could tell if lost weight and how great I looked. I really needed that. The night before I had seen a horrible picture of myself and was feeling pretty bummed. I have a long ways to go but I'm a lot closer than I was. I've lost about 14 lbs since Christmas. I put on a few pounds over the holidays so it's been great to see the scale move a little. I wish I didn't care about it, but alas, I do. I just can't wait to see more results. I feel so amazing, and have so much more energy. Life is good, for sure.

Sleepy.

Oh today. Today was a hard one. Mallory is in recovery mode, which normally isn't too bad but since she had an unexpected lip tie cut and repair, I think it's hard to drink and eat. And she is a paci girl, so she's been up and down all day. She is probably going to need antibiotics as well, but I'll give her one more day to see if her fever and green snotty nose clear up. Deegyn had a tooth knocked out today, and can't eat anything. He is holding his jaw in a current underbite position, I think because another tooth is loose. Either way he will get looked at first thing tomorrow to get him squared away. The school never called me, which has left me fuming mad. My poor Deegyn was really upset and in a lot of pain...and had I been called he could have gotten to a dentist sooner. But since he was picked up after 4, almost no dentist offices were even open. I finally did speak to a pediatric dentist, who is seeing him first thing in the morning. I know it's not a big deal, I know it's not emergent...but he's my boy. I should have been called to make the decision myself whether he was okay or not. To comfort him. I will be talking to the teacher and school tomorrow so this doesn't happen again. I work in the medical field, I don't over react to things, but this deserved a call. My poor buddy :(. And to top everything off, my belly has been upset all day. I don't feel good and two out of my three kids are not comfortable, so I'm done for today. I've held myself together. I really could have used a work out today, but since my body is rebelling, no work out today. Brown rice for dinner. I really don't care what my body does, but I really need my babies to be okay. Again, I know it's nothing major, but they are my people and my heart hurts when they hurt. I'm so ready for warmer weather, healthy kids, and thankful for a new day tomorrow. It's only Tuesday and I feel like it's been the longest week. It will all be fine, I know it will. I'm just sad my kids aren't feeling good. Well, Liam is. He's our ray of sunshine. The forever optimist. Thank goodness. My heart can't take any more today. Here is to hoping tomorrow's better, my kiddos feel better, and I feel good enough to work out.

I'm typing this on my phone so we will see how it goes. I always have so much to say, or that I want to say, but I'm so busy with work and the kiddos this quickly gets moved down the list of priorities. The last week my workout buddy has been really sick, so even though I miss her, I still have to keep going and I need to do it because she would give anything to be getting our workouts in too. I've stayed extremely motivated, and am really proud of myself in that aspect. No excuses. None. I've been doing a huge variety of workouts this last week, and have really enjoyed it. I've ran, done a little Tabata, multiple HIIT workouts, and Insanity. I get a little discouraged about how weak I am and how far I have to go, but I don't let it hold me back. If anything it pushes me further. To be doing things I have never done before is really empowering. Running is my comfort zone. It calms me, and I genuinely love it. But I can't get stronger with running alone, thus the mash up or workouts! I want to work every muscle and really feel what I am doing. It's been unseasonably warm outside lately so running in the fresh air has been amazing. And days when I have to stay inside, I do. I pick a few hard workouts, and have my kids and husband to motivate me. I'm missing the weights though, so it'll be nice to get back to those. My workout buddy knows way more about that stuff, and I'm still not confident enough about my form to do it alone. My daughter goes in for surgery tomorrow morning, and although it's nothing major, I'm still anxious about it and will be so relieved when it's over. She has been sick for so long...I can't wait to see how much happier she is. And her hearing is pretty bad so it will be really neat to see how she reacts to sounds. She has completed my life in the most profound way, and I just want her to be okay. My kids are my everything. I'm not ok if they aren't ok. It's that simple. They are why I'm working so insanely hard to get strong again, and to be the role model they deserve. They deserve the best, so I need to be at my best. It's pretty easy when my closest friends are all on the same journey. The last few weeks I finally saw movement on the scale, which was pretty exciting. It didn't budge the first few months, which I was told to expect. But it's moving now!! I haven't been at my current weight since before I had my first son. That's over seven years, folks. A long damn time. Clothes are fitting better. I feel better. This journey is really important to me. I know most people don't want to hear about it, which is why I'm so glad I started this blog. I'm so excited and so motivated. It's a very different place from the beginning of December.

MY MOTIVATION <3

Grace.

Well, here I am. Three kids and a career later, I'm finally getting ME back. Fighting my way back from the deepest, darkest depths of myself. For some reason, I lost myself in the midst of the last 8 years and it's time to get back to where I want to me. Not just physically, but mentally too. I am deeply in love with my kids, and am still trying to pinch myself because they are MINE. I made them, and they will forever be the things that I am most proud of. In turn, I want them to look at me and be proud. To know you can't always just make an excuse. Sometimes you have to own up to who you are, what you've done, and what you want to do. It's that simple. I don't know why it happened...me finding this dark place again, but I am so determined to not be that person. I have three little people always looking at me and watching me, so once again...no excuses. I was put in a position to either call up my doctor and say, "hey....I need some meds to help me cope"....or start exercising and get myself healthy. I chose option two. I've been working my ass off since December, and am now in to a routing, doing things I have never done, and have never felt better. I want to document this journey, to remember every little victory along the way. My friend, Nessa, who I have known since we were 14, has been my rock through all this. She is beyond exhausted every day we work out, but she still shows up, tells me what to do, and I will never be able to thank her for that. Our schedules are crazy, but we still show up, after dinner, and work out so hard we can barely move when we are done. No excuses. We make no excuses (aside from being really sick, or one of our babies being sick. They always come first). It's crazy the progress we have already made. Running harder and longer. Lifting better, and heavier. Clothes getting baggier. But the biggest transformation, so far, for me, has been in my head. My thought's are clearer, I can focus, and I am a better mom and wife. I have patience, I have confidence, and I have energy. Working out is my therapy. I am starting to feel like me again, and it's the most amazing feeling. At this point, I am up to 3 miles with running, and have been weight lifting which I have never done before. It's terrifying, mostly because I'm squishy and round, while a lot of people around me are strong, thin, and better. But it's ok. We have to start somewhere. I will get better. Pushing myself every day is really empowering. I don't have a specific goal in mind as far as weight loss, but I will be training for another half marathon this fall. I just want to keep feeling this way, but with less squish. I love my babies and I'm ok with my stretch marks etc., but I can change the rest. I can be stronger for them...and for me. This is my time and I can't wait to see how things evolve in the next year or so. This blog will be primarily about my fitness journey and everything that is rolled in to that. Here goes EVERYTHING!