Grace.

Well, here I am. Three kids and a career later, I'm finally getting ME back. Fighting my way back from the deepest, darkest depths of myself. For some reason, I lost myself in the midst of the last 8 years and it's time to get back to where I want to me. Not just physically, but mentally too. I am deeply in love with my kids, and am still trying to pinch myself because they are MINE. I made them, and they will forever be the things that I am most proud of. In turn, I want them to look at me and be proud. To know you can't always just make an excuse. Sometimes you have to own up to who you are, what you've done, and what you want to do. It's that simple. I don't know why it happened...me finding this dark place again, but I am so determined to not be that person. I have three little people always looking at me and watching me, so once again...no excuses. I was put in a position to either call up my doctor and say, "hey....I need some meds to help me cope"....or start exercising and get myself healthy. I chose option two. I've been working my ass off since December, and am now in to a routing, doing things I have never done, and have never felt better. I want to document this journey, to remember every little victory along the way. My friend, Nessa, who I have known since we were 14, has been my rock through all this. She is beyond exhausted every day we work out, but she still shows up, tells me what to do, and I will never be able to thank her for that. Our schedules are crazy, but we still show up, after dinner, and work out so hard we can barely move when we are done. No excuses. We make no excuses (aside from being really sick, or one of our babies being sick. They always come first). It's crazy the progress we have already made. Running harder and longer. Lifting better, and heavier. Clothes getting baggier. But the biggest transformation, so far, for me, has been in my head. My thought's are clearer, I can focus, and I am a better mom and wife. I have patience, I have confidence, and I have energy. Working out is my therapy. I am starting to feel like me again, and it's the most amazing feeling. At this point, I am up to 3 miles with running, and have been weight lifting which I have never done before. It's terrifying, mostly because I'm squishy and round, while a lot of people around me are strong, thin, and better. But it's ok. We have to start somewhere. I will get better. Pushing myself every day is really empowering. I don't have a specific goal in mind as far as weight loss, but I will be training for another half marathon this fall. I just want to keep feeling this way, but with less squish. I love my babies and I'm ok with my stretch marks etc., but I can change the rest. I can be stronger for them...and for me. This is my time and I can't wait to see how things evolve in the next year or so. This blog will be primarily about my fitness journey and everything that is rolled in to that. Here goes EVERYTHING!